Previous: Reiki Revelations: My Path to Change Pt 1
Nothing about life is easy. It never has been , and it never will be. Even children, whatever ease they could benefit from, is gained through what the previous generations do or do not carry on their own shoulders.
Unfortunately, not all children are as safe and care-free as we would hope. When I was young and struggling, I would tell myself: there are children starving around the world; others have it worse; that what I’m experiencing is trivial compared to the world at large and that I should suck it up and bury it, as far down as I could.
Looking in My Own Mirror
From one side, this is certainly something to consider. With how small our planet is against the orderly chaos of the universe, our problems could theoretically be considered as trivial as dust. From the other side, every experience ripples through our lives to shape and bend our perceptions and realities in a dramatic cycle of beginnings and endings that we can’t ignore.
Therapy in high school, college, and later on in life provided many insights into my own phases of life and how I became the person I am today. The moments that have honed my edge and grown my heart are all invaluable and irreplaceable. Many of us have probably had that dream, where we go back to a specific moment in our lives and choose differently, living out what our lives could have been had we gone a different direction through our subconscious imagination. Perhaps, some of us have imagined it in our everyday lives.
Regret, we call it. Depression has a lot to do with living in the past, I believe, and I was plagued with it for years, suffocating beneath myself and what I could have done. When I first became a Reiki Master, my enthusiasm and willpower exploded until I realized I had no foundation, and fell. I dropped out of college, dropped off all social media, holed myself in a room with a computer, and stayed.
Ironically, it was the college therapist who spiraled me into this despair. Not out of any ill will, but with the kindness to tell me that even if others have suffered differently, or worse by my definition, I did not need to hide under a false strength without acknowledging my own trials surviving in a world that isn’t kind to most of us, really. I do mean beyond ourselves including our history, the planet’s harshness, and the shadows within all hearts–the vices and virtues, the flaws and perfections, the taboos and the norms. Fight, or flight. Die, or live.
Worrying About the Future
Everyone struggles, whether they show it, or not. Hiding weakness is a struggle in its own right, possibly one of the most difficult and draining. To be anxious, constantly mulling over every intrusive thought and possibility, can trap us within the brain’s chemical cage. No matter which hands reach out, I would argue that most of the time, we have the key hidden within us, coiled by the fears in our hearts.
Granted, courage is the conquering of fear.
Every moment, every breath, is the opportunity to give ourselves a chance. Don’t lose hope, and don’t give up. If you can’t find the light on your own, find someone who has seen it before. No human can be perfect and know where they’re going all of the time, but together–we can certainly figure it out, relighting each other’s torches when one of us gets lost.
Next: Part 3
“The courageous person is the one who endures and fears—and likewise feels confident—about the right things, for the right reason, in the right way, and at the right time.”
– Aristotle (Nicomachean Ethics, Book III, Chapter 7, 1115b15-20)
Thank you for joining me. Ask any questions you want, I’ll do my best to answer ~ what is something that you believe most humans struggle with? My answer: ourselves.
Patreon supporters can currently read an excerpt of the first draft of my short story, The Belonging of Depression.
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