The Rat Race
Anymore, each day feels like a race against time. Even when all is going well, speed bumps can slow down the process. The machinations of life turn, merciless and never waiting for anyone to catch up. When we wait for time, it slows. When we try to hold it, it slips through our fingers. When we look away from it, it vanishes.
The pace of our modern civilizations with globalized technology is faster than all of human history. If Aesop’s tale of the Tortoise and the Hare applied today, the Hare would need high-tech smart glasses. The tortoise could have a high-powered computer tower installed on his back. It’s virtually impossible to survive without technology, let alone thrive. Even if someone’s goal isn’t to be notably wealthy, a single income can barely support one person, let alone an entire family.
Life changes directions, while juggling, and is always ready to throw a curve ball.
I’ve been practicing my juggling game: first-time mom to a 7-month-old, novelist, poet, Reiki Master, and Social Media Manager? The list goes on for all of us, really. Our obligations to others and ourselves all collide together on one set of scales, precariously teetering over a simmering pot of stress. When two boiling pots come together, there’s usually a lesson in the mess.
Perfection vs. Reality
I could pretend to be perfect, as if I’m starting up a business with no hurdles or conflicts. “Fake it until you make it,” they say. Or, I could say that today is the first day I managed to get myself out of bed at 5 am to get a head start on my writing for the day. Balancing childcare with my partner while we both work toward our goals gives me a lot more respect for my parents and grandparents. While one income isn’t enough to sustain a household anymore, and childcare costs about the same as one person’s income, I wonder how anyone manages anymore. Are we all pretending? Mad-Hatters hiding inside of Cheschire Cats and Alices?
Probably.
There is merit to the idea. Positivity brews positivity. Honesty encourages honesty. Smiling and laughing when we’re upset still releases endorphins. Our closed-off world of screens can cause us to forget how to talk to each other. We may want to run from hard conversations, or avoid someone’s pain because it makes us uncomfortable. If the relationship isn’t important to us long-term, this might be fine, but what if it’s someone you love dearly? Do you give space, or force the connection? Do we run away, or face our fears? Fight, or flight?
It takes courage to connect and create. It takes resilience to fail.
It takes choice to change.
It has not quite been a month since I’ve started actively working on this business, and I’ve already experienced just about every corner of the internet for it. Cheerleaders, sellers, spammers, bots, love, hate. I’m looking forward to what the rest of this week brings, which challenges I’ll face and what opportunities bless me.
Sifting Through Time
Most of the shadows came full swing early, all of which would have cast me into doubt or sorrow before. Today, I took action in a way I have always done. I defended the defenseless against an aggressor. Before today, when this aggressor turned their hate towards me, I would have bowed out with a smart remark, stepping away from the red face and shouting. I wouldn’t have been able to say my peace with confidence without crying with anger at the injustice, or question this individual’s demand for respect whilst giving none.
Today, I stood, calm and firm. I stood against aggression without carrying the weight of the encounter in my chest or on my shoulders afterwards. Instead, I carry it with my words. I speak my truth, measuring every step I take. Today, I felt the strength of my words, wishes, and actions aligning. It felt incredible.
How we treat people matters. If we are uncomfortable with the consequences of our words and actions, we must figure out why. Usually, it’s because our words and actions don’t resonate with who we are inside. We grow ashamed and hide, or run.
I faced my past today: the little girl who stayed silent or bowed to keep a peace not worth having. Tip-toeing around each other’s truths leads us down paths of dishonesty, disconnection, and miscommunication. Time has an interesting habit of repeating patterns within a generation, or every couple of centuries. When we look back into the mirrors of the past, we see glimpses of our futures. Some are scared, paralyzed. Others are brave, yet we are all human.
I hope you are able to speak and act on your wishes in the ways that you hope for.
Love and Light
Shadow and Night
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