To Weather the Set-backs

Not every day starts how I expect it to, and I think it’s important to share how I personally handled some difficult days over the last month, including today. Foremost, plans change and adapt to accommodate new variables. For example, integrating plug-ins on a website is a lot more time consuming than I would have liked.  Eventually, I decided the tools were eating up too much time for the team, so I simplified.

Another uncalculated variable that brought some delays was the artistic collaboration with the love of my life that overall will drastically improve my TikTok, YouTube, and Reiki-Infused Performance Treatments (first one, Healinh Hearth, coming June 2025)! We’ve had several film days at a local park, but bringing two artistic visions together always takes a little bit of time. His inspired shots and ideas, however, improve what I’m able to offer and enable me to focus on the Reiki.

Before, all of these delays in the first month of the soft launch might have deterred me or stressed me, or given me anxiety. I’m not buckling, though, unlike when I was younger.

Understanding Validation

Being older has helped me through my own life experience in that I’ve tried several times to follow my dreams, no matter how many people stopped believing in me. What matters is that I never stopped believing in me, not really. When others gradually believed in me less and less (because I didn’t succeed the first few times), I did start to lose hope in myself. After all, if no one wanted to see what I could do, why should I do it?

It wasn’t until this past year that I realized the issue with my thought process, a realization that I didn’t come to until I got pregnant and had my first child.

 I didn’t need validation. I’ve never followed the herd, and I’ve always enjoyed the wayward and beaten path. In my ‘Philosophy of the Arts’ class, taught by a kind and eccentric gentleman, we discussed whether art requires an audience. My answer is yes, even if the audience is the self. However, instant gratification can be counter-productive, especially if the audience is less than enthusiastic. Or worse, against the idea.

When someone we love and don’t want to abandon is against who we are, judging shamelessly with hatred and fear, how do we respond? Fight? Flight? When does avoiding conflict become fighting the self? When does running from the self become fighting everyone else? When does standing up for the self become fighting the world?

I believe some of the most powerful art is produced from the purity of the artist’s expression, and that the greatest art captures the essence of humanity itself: relatable to all kinds in tales ‘as old as time.’ I’ve taken to sharing my work when I’m mostly finished, and I’ve stopped seeking feedback from some people entirely. I had to forge the confidence to believe in my own content, and hope for it to reach the people who do gain something from my experiences.

Understanding Myself

When the world brings me chaos, as I piece together a new order to handle the humanity of it all, I believe beyond myself. I believe in the light of the world guiding my path to fulfill my purpose of love and charity, while I acknowledge the flaws of my shadow and overcome them. A conscious life weighs virtue and vice on the scales of logic and ethics, riddled with the extra weight of pathos and perspective. Managing ourselves is difficult, and finding a home to belong is more difficult, especially if we don’t understand ourselves.

I know that I feel no greater peace than when I observe and contemplate the nature around me. When life’s inevitable speed bumps appear, I go to the park and swing.

I sit, kick the ground, and sway. I close my eyes, breathe deep, and practice Reiki on myself. The sun shines through my eyelids. I think of what triggers me, why, and how to process it next time to be stronger and better than I am today. I get off the swing and root my feet to the ground as I imagine myself as a tree.

I walk the small trail, envisioning my roots grounding me as I balance within. On one of those walks, I found a film spot for Healing Hearth. In the end, I return smiling, tears gone. I don’t fix all of my problems on these walks, but I work on what really matters: I confront and forgive myself. I remind myself that I am the only person that I can control.

Whether the people I love support me or not, I love and support myself. It’s taken a long journey to overcome the shackles of the past holding me back, but my little Jace has inspired me to fly forward with all of the feathers in my cap. I consider it my duty as a parent to surge forward and be an example, even though, society doesn’t make it easy to be different.

I will walk my path with love and care, and heal with my art and words. Even if someone believes I’m evil and hates me for my path, I will remind myself of the Reiki principles crafted by Dr. Mikao Usui, the founder.

First we say, today don’t get angry

Second we say, don’t worry.

Third we say, be thankful.

Fourth we say, endeavor in your work.

Fifth we say, be kind to others.